Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Why men win literary prizes

Scientists have discovered genetic links between gender and literature.

Geneticists working at the H.G. Wells Institute for Sex and Gender found that almost all prize-winning literature was written by males.

Professor Orlando Farber, from the Wells Institute, wrote that there is a "demonstrable genetic link between androgenic facial hair and literary ability."

Farber cited Ernest Hemingway (pictured, above left) as an example of "genius by genotype", superior in androgenic hair capacity and literary capacity.

Faber's research compared the achievements of superior writers like Hemingway to inferior writers in the more female categories of children's and young adult writing. Children's writer Roald Dahl (pictured, below left), for example, had no beard.

Faber, quick to distance himself from claims of sexism, noted that this does not rule out women in politics, business and other 'unliterary' professions.

"Women have made great strides in politics, academia, the corporate world,' said the Professor, ''but they will never be gifted in literature, until they can grow a beard like Tolstoy. This isn't sexism. It's nature."

12 comments:

Rachel Power said...

Finally... a credible explanation.

Jesse said...

This doesn't bode well for good writing in academia.

Damon Young said...

RP: Yes, all this nonsense about 'society' - as if it were a plot by men to rob women of prizes. Blame nature: she's behind your failure.

Jesse: I agree. According to Professor Farber, the percentage of highly-bearded staff in universities is declining rapidly.

Glowless @ Where's My Glow said...

I will be cancelling my laser hair removal appointment for this afternoon.

Rachel Power said...

Doesn't actually bode too well for you either, really, does it mate?

Damon Young said...

In the interests of pure logic, unveiled by beautiful prose, I just shaved.

Emma Kirsopp said...

oddly they didn't draw the link between literary prizes and the beardy judges that sit on prize panels.

Damon Young said...

They did: it's a purely genetic link. They're not biased, they're just recognising nature's tendencies (i.e. beards mean better writing).

Or something.

Emma Kirsopp said...

have to admit I did laugh loudly at Rachel's "credible explanation' comment - which caused tea to spill down my beardless (and therefore inferior) chin.

Better do what nature intended and mop it up

Emma Kirsopp said...

Of course, Damon. Silly me (giggles at the whole thing)

Damon Young said...

I'm sure there's a link in painting, too. After all, Matisse had a beard, while Picasso - that fraud - was naturally smooth-faced. (Hence his need to prove his manhood with affairs.)

It's all so simple: if you're not hirsute, you need to get a duller desk job.

Emma Kirsopp said...

hahahah. Of course! Its been in right in front of me the whole time! Just look at Leonardo et al